Famous movie characters who would be successful in MMA

I was sitting around last night brain storming about what to write about while watching Season 4 of Dexter on DVD when a little light bulb came on over my head and I figured I would run with this, to provide entertainment until I can write a review of the Ultimate Fighter tomorrow morning. Some homies were twisting my arm (get it? MMA, twisting my arm...?) about writing again because "you gotta write every day!"

So...without further adieu, Movie Characters who would succeed in the cage!

NEO

                                                                I know Kung Fu?

If you haven't seen the Matrix trilogy, I need you to lean back away from your keyboard, and smack yourself. Twice. The basic concept (for those of you whos faces are stinging with self inflicted slap) is in the future, machines become sentient, and begin to over take humanity. In an effort to survive, we humans did something silly like blot out the sun, making the world a huge barren wasteland, roamed in full by intelligent computers.

                                                 Not like Skynet, nope. No similar plot device here.

So in a future dystopian setting, humans battle machines for survival. The computers stay energized by harvesting human energy, and the bodies are plugged into a digital dream world called "The Matrix". Humanity needs a savior. He arrives in the movies, a computer hacker named Tom Anderson AKA "Neo". Neo is rescued from the Matrix by a crew of human soldiers on their ship. Epic-story ensues, the world is saved. Watch!

ANYWAY!

Neo is a perfect candidate for this article. In the first movie, he is plugged into the matrix again, where his rescuer Morpheus teaches him to bend the faux-reality to his will, and also downloads Martial Arts into his brain. Soon, they begin sparring. The rest is history, and soon our hero is doing hand to hand battle with computer-baddies and flying. It is my humble opinion that Neo might be able to take on GSP. I can see it now...

"Introducing first, in the red corner, this man is a kung fu, ninjitsu, jeet kune do, capoeira, hapkido, karate, jiujitsu and muay thai fighter, with a record of 12,203-0, fighting out of the Zion, at the center of the earth, "The Chosen One"...NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-OH!!!!"

Yep. Neo would stomp faces in the cage. No one can disagree. Shhh.

The Karate Kid (Not Jaden Smith, that movie was terrible)

That's right. The Karate Kid, Daniel LaRusso. If you haven't seen this movie, please pick up your keyboard and bash yourself in the face, hm...8 times.

Daniel moves to California from New Jersey to California with his mom. He has no friends and carries with him his New Jersey 'tude

                                                     NO! YOU- COME AT ME- BRO!!!!!

Daniel meets the maintenance man for his apartments, Mr. Miyagi, a wise Ryukyujin Ojisan, or for my peeps who don't speak Japanese, an old Okinawan man.  When Daniel gets jumped by bullies for talking to a girl their leader likes, Miyagi-sama jumps in to save him. Hard.

Anyway. Mr. Miyagi teaches Daniel-san the way of Okinawan open handed combat, Karate. Through seemingly menial tasks, Daniel becomes the perfect disciple of the Martial Arts. Soon, he's doing the crane kick and waxing cars like it's cool.

Think back to those bullies, the Cobra Kai.

Daniel-San confronts the blonde one, Bobby Brown at the All-Valley Karate Tournament. Through the matches, Daniel-san dispatches his opponents with his wax-off technique, as well as kicks to the ribs. It's pretty epic, considering it's a montage. Even Rocky had a montage!

Anyway. You see what happens next. Daniel and Bobby square off on the karate mat, and just like before, Bobby begins to hand Daniel his ass on a silver platter. No big deal, the Karate Kid goes back to his training, and pulls off a stunning KO of the Night via Crane Kick! Sick!

If Daniel-san would get some wrestling and jitsu training to pair up with his outrageous striking, and maybe gain a little weight, he'd be one bad mofo that would be adept at destroying bigger opponents.

                                                       Yeah I'm talking about you, bruh bruh

Forrest Gump

Neo, Karate Kid, they made sense. I can tell you're thinking "WTF FORREST GUMP? REALLY?" and I'm not lying. It's here, in plain grey and black.

But why? How could a gimpy, bow legged retard from Alabama possibly be an awesome cage fighter? Well. Let me tell you.

He's Forrest Gump.

This dude, against all odds learned how to run, let alone walk, without braces on his legs. He overcame his slight mental retardation to be a star running back at his state University and makes the All-American team. Oh, after college he decided he'd join the army and be awarded the Medal of Honor for rescuing too many dudes in Vietnam. This is all before he meets John Lennon, and becomes a millionaire shrimpin' boat cap'n.

Plus, he has cardio unlike any other. He ran across America, like, 5 times. This is pretty intense.

Simply put, Forrest Gump has way too many out of this world experiences to NOT be a legend in the sport of mixed martial arts. Instead of running through Utah, slaying Vietcong and scoring touch downs, he could be smashing peoples faces in a ring or fenced area. Just get this guy to Greg Jacksons camp and grab some of your favorite malted hops beverage, because Forreset Gump will be doing DAMAGE.

                                               "They said I fought, like...a duck in the water. Whatever that means."


There you have it kids. Three outstanding would-be Octagon warriors, had they not been in awesome movies. I have stuff to do, like sit in my office and study up on MMA.

Until next time,
-BenClarkMMA