Ben Clark, Powered by Xyience

Even though I've only had this blog up for a couple of days, it's about time I talk about Xyience, in particular, Xenergy, an Xtreme Energy Drink...and energy drinks in general. Why not?

In the last few years, the market for "Energy Drinks" has emerged. Most popular is Monster.

                                                            Nicki Minaj in can form

Other popular brands are Full Throttle, Rockstar and Redbull, among many many others. However, one that isn't as popular as it should be is Xenergy.

You may be thinking "But, BenClarkMMA, what does this canned awesome have to do with MMA?" Well, kids, it's the OFFICIAL ENERGY DRINK OF THE UFC!!!!!

It seems a little outrageous that these are the only drinks that I drink anymore, in fact, I used to LOVE some blue agave Full Throttle. That was then, this is now.

                                                        There ain't no rules. There ain't no fuckin' rules.

Xenergy, and all other energy drinks can be broken down by Taste, Energy Factor and (Un)healthiness. I will go over Monster, Redbull, Full Throttle, Rockstar and Xenergy.

Monster:
Taste: Comes in 22 EXTREME flavors, that will PUMP YOU UP, but unfortunately, they mostly taste like cotton candy with gasoline in it. Yum...not. Actually, the coffee flavored Monsters taste pretty good. In my honest opinion (IMHO) they save this brand from being totally hated on. But still...the majority of these taste like chemical genocide. And it's really really carbonated. Way gross.

4/10 thanks to Mean Bean and Loca Mocha, otherwise I'm saying 2/10...
Energy Factor Meh. 160mg per can. The average cup of coffee has 60-120mg. I'm getting these facts off of google engine search, which is totally moot because I can tell you that as a caffeine fiend, Monster is average-to above average in energizing me.

6/10 like I said, average-or-just-above-it

(Un)healthiness Monster is packed with like, 550 teaspoons of sugar, and it's the color of melted crayons...a whole box. I can't imagine what sort of health problems the Monster addicted generation is going to have when we're in our golden years...or whatever they call it when you're above the age of 36.

2/10 Monster will give you man tits and a need to get a bigger pair of jeans. Terrible, terrible monster. Bad Monster...

Verdict: 4/10 below average in the scheme of things, but still worth it if you want a pick me up and aren't going to pound them like most of my peers (and by that I mean, male Marines aged 18-22) do.

Full Throttle

Taste Delicious! All 5 Flavors (Agave, Berry, Citrus, Mocha and Caramel) are scrumptious. I love the taste of these. They're not over carbonated like monster, and Agave alone makes this brand of Energy Drink worth the buy

9/10 Would be perfect, if they weren't SO good you want more and more each time you drink one.

Energy Factor The EF for Full throttle is optimal. I drank these at work back in Okinawa, the blue agave flavor. They kept me awake for an extensive period of time, almost too much. I had to drink water to calm down sparky.

8/10 With a lightning bolt to the veins, this will totally put you at full throttle. Pun intended.

(Un)healthiness Just like Monster, Full Throttle comes with a whopping 220 calories of pretty much liquid sugar in a can. Bad for you, good for your taste buds. Same thing.

2/10

Verdict: 6/10 Awesome taste and energy, but again, I can't recommend these as a top dog in the running for best in this review, they're really fattening and I can't let that ride.

Redbull

Taste Redbull tastes unique. It has a berry-kind-of snap to it once sipped, and it follows up with a sinus-pervading essence that is one of a kind. I like it, but not that much. It comes in a sugar-free variety as well

6/10 Decent, nothing to go crazy for

Energy Factor It gives you wings! Despite coming in smaller cans, you can size up for a price, and Red Bull does exactly what it is advertized for. Energizing your human body. Too bad it has a bad crash after effect.

7/10 Again. Good for a few minutes, then you're slooowwwww

(Un)healthiness Redbull is most often sold in smaller portions, and the smaller can itself still gives you the wanted pick me up. Plus, it has a sugar-free variety that doesn't taste like complete crap.

5/10 so far the least-bad for you bad-for-you drink in my review. I'm awesome, don't argue with me.

Verdict 7/10 good remarks all around. Can't hate on Redbull!

Rockstar

Taste Rockstar has a really nasty, too-sweet, too-crazy flavor. I'm not sure how many varities it comes in because it's flag ship flavor is really really bad. Terrible, it's like eating pure cane sugar and washing it down with corn syrup. My stomach hurts just thinking about it.

0/10 you fail, Rockstar

Energy Factor Rockstar is a normal "energy blend" kind of energy drink. It's more marketed on it's name and "taste" than anything else I believe. I think I got through one can of Rockstar, one time, and had to throw it out because my mouth was puckered up REAL bad.

4/10 bleh.

(Un)healthiness  280 calories a can, cuz. 280. 280. REALLY. Also, voted worst energy drink in America by Menshealth magazine. For the  love of all that is energizing, please don't drink Rockstar. It makes baby kittens die. Really.

0/10 again. Rockstar, you fail. Epic fail.

Verdict  0/10  I know. All the other ratings have been averaged, and Rockstar had a 4/10 in Energy Factor, but no. This one is unlike the others, and therefore is a huge 0.

Xenergy
Taste Xenergy owns. I personally love the Mango Guava flavor. But all of them are good that I've had. Blu Pom, Cherry Rush, Mango Guava, and the Citrus Flavor, whatever name they gave it, all taste good. Really, really good. I love Xenergy.

9/10 Again, like Full Throttle, TOO good for a perfect rating. Once you have one, you're like "mmm more" and then you can't stop, hence, I'm on my 3rd of the day and it's only 1100...

Energy Factor Good. Lots of B-Vitamins come in this, as well as Niacin and some other minerals/vitamins. It also has caffeine, but it isn't the sole factor in keeping you awake. B12 vitamin especially, with over your daily dose (it's impossible to have a toxic level of B-12 in your body. It increases your platelette level, and therefore you get more breath for your buck.) I love Xenergy.

10/10 hands down.

(Un)healthiness Kids, this one has calories, and like I said in the energy factor part of this review, packed with vitamins and nutrients and whatnot. Yum, and it's good for you. Just like Goldfishes, my mom says I could drink this every day. And I do. I love Xenergy

10/10 Actually good for you, no calories so you don't get fat. It's like healthy, carbonated water. No big deal.

Verdict 11/10 This beats everything else by far, and gets bonus points for being affiliated with the UFC. Failure Rockstar is affiliated with Strikeforce, and we all know how well they're doing...not even on Pay-Per-View.



Well there you have it folks, BenClarkMMA's review of unhealthy energy drinks and obviously which ones you should buy. If you're a 4/10 human being, keep drinking monster. I'm sitting here sipping a Cherry Rush thinking about all these vitamins xenergizing me.

Stay tuned for more MMA related articles by me!